Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
