I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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