you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
