Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
