I wish life had little blips of pornography
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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