Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
