i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
