What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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