We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
