Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
