I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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