did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
