i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
