Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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