Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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