the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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