sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
