I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
