My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
