margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
