Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
