So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
