Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
