My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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