Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
