but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
