yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
