you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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