Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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