So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
