They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
