Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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