he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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