Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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