i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
