Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
