but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
