i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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