i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
