You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She told me I should be a condom model.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
