if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
