Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
