peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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