I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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