I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
