In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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