Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
