The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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