I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
