So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
