I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
