WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What a dumb baby whore.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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