so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
did you just send me my own nude
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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