after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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