I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
