You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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