New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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